Watching the Loss of Your Mom to Alzheimer's Disease

How did you first feel when your mother told you that she had Alzheimer's/Dementia?

The doctor told my mother and father and myself. I don't think my mom understood the diagnosis and I think my dad was still in denial. I felt like I had been throat punched and betrayed. This was a woman whom everyone relied on for her memory.

This disease takes away a lot. What do you miss the most about your mom?

I miss her feeling safe and confident. I know she may not remember what was said to her but I believe she remembers or senses how someone makes her feel and that is paramount to me. 

The other thing I miss the most is sharing our stories of what we have done together over the years. It is very lonely to be in a memory alone.

What sacrifices have you made to make sure that your mom has the best possible care?

I spend all day Saturdays with her, I cook for her and my father on Sundays. Time is my currency and so I have traded my time to make time or the things she can no longer do.

I have taken on a part time job to afford the gas, the groceries, the times out when she thinks she has paid for lunches or groceries. I know she made far greater sacrifices for me.

Do you have any pieces of advice for new caregivers with a mom who has Alzheimer's?

Never argue, never challenge, never repeat your displeasure. She knows, inside she knows something is wrong and when she lies to cover up, let her. It may be all that she has left of her pride. 

Find what makes her safe. Music. hobby. laughter. Photo albums.